An Open Letter to My Stove.

I am really so sorry.

We removed you from such a nice house in Massachusetts, and yes, they were going to give you up anyway, but who could have prepared you for this.

First the contractors dinged, dented, and chipped your enamel. A bit of white paint was dabbed on as camouflage.

Then they snapped your burner in half. We had it welded back together...and removed every other removable piece and hid them away.

The crazy Russian National Grid guy insulted you. Twice.

But who would have thought that the woman who came to clean the burners, make sure everything was working, and took all the tops, the griddle, and the broiler to have them re-chromed and stop them from corroding ...would lose them forever in the mail?

If I burn in hell one day, it might be in a O'Keefe and Merritt.